I'll Always Have Hope
by Coffee221bTARDISDemigodWonders
Summary: I'm confused, stressed and tired. I don't know what to do. But I'm in love with my best friend. I'm in love with Leo Valdez. - Hazel is sending letters to anyone who will read. The next chapters will be letters, but less noticably. Please read and review! Not sure if I want to continue. Your thoughts? Lazel.


**AN. Hi! So this is my next Lazel long story. I've finished 100 Years, though haven't posted it yet, and I won't because my amazing Beta reader is still helping with the next chapter, but if you hae a chance please read that, too! Anyway, this story will seem like it's a setting and stuff after this chapter, but they are all in letters. Please review!**

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Dear Reader,

I'm tired, confused, and stressed. Everything is changing. Everything is turning around, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I hate everything. I hate my feelings. I hate so many things right now. I just want to scream, why does this have to happen? He never did anything wrong, and yet I have no feelings for him. Yet I just broke up with him. I can't believe I've never had feelings for him. Wasn't I supposed too? Wasn't I supposed to love him and be his? Why do I have feelings for the other one? Why does the world work like this?! I wanted to have feelings for the other one, but I don't, and I can't be in a relationship with someone I don't love. I want to be with the other one, but I hate myself for it. I was supposed to be with the other one, but for some reason, I love somebody else. An elf, a supreme commander, a friend.

Leo.

I have feelings for him. I love him. I care about him so much. My best friend. But why don't I love the other one? Why don't I love Frank? And why is it I can't lie to myself about loving Frank? Why can't I love him? I just don't understand. I wanted to be with him a few months ago, but now...I don't know. Now I love Leo. Now I love him with all my heart, and there's nothing I can do about it. Whenever I see him, my mind wanders, and I always see everything I love about him. I see his eyes, I see his smile, and I see the real him. The him only I know, because I'm the only person he trusts enough to show. I'm the only person who's ever met the real Leo Valdez. The guy who cares more then he says, and uses jokes to cover the pain of his mother's death. I'm also the only person who knows about his mother's death. I know so much about him, so much no one even knows, but I'm angry at myself for knowing, and for loving him. I'm not supposed too. I know I'm not. I'm supposed to love Frank. But I don't, and I can't. I don't know why, and I don't understand. Why did Venus do it to me? Why did Venus make me so confused about how I feel, and why did she make me love Leo over Frank? Why?

Frank must hate me. He must hate me for loving Leo. He must want to strangle me for not wanting to be with him. I just don't know why I can't love him. It's not fair! Everyone thinks I'm supposed to be with Frank, and everyone expects me to be! I don't think anyone wants me to be with Leo. And if Leo knew of my feelings, he'd laugh and tell me that I'm hopeless, and he wouldn't be friends anymore. I can't risk that. His friendship is something I hold closest to my heart. Something that is so important to me...I can never tell him that I love him, because he probably doesn't love me back. He probably doesn't even like me. The only person who ever liked me was Frank, and I can't share the same feelings. I'm strange and different, and no one will ever love me now that I broke up with Frank. I don't know if Leo will ever care about me. Probably won't. Probably never will. But I'll always have hope that something will happen. I'll hope and I always will, because I won't give up. I won't tell him that I love him. Unless Leo tells me in person that he loves me, we're probably never going to be together. But maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for us. Maybe he loves me. Maybe. I hope he does. I seriously do. I'd love for us to be together. It would be better for me. To be with somebody who I care about deeply. The only person that I've ever loved.

I don't love Frank, and I never did. Sure I liked him at first, but when I saw Leo, I was in love. Is that selfish of me? Is it selfish that I have these feelings for Leo? I mean, I didn't choose them. I haven't chose to like anyone. But I love Leo, but I didn't choose that. He's my best friend, and I never would have guessed I'd develop feelings for him. I mean, he's my _best friend_. He isn't the kind of person you'd think of too love, but he is now for me I guess. I can never get him out of my mind. His smile, his eyes, Leo. Leo Valdez. The boy that I know better then anyone else. The boy who's told me everything about him. The boy who I'd die again for.

And it hasn't only been him telling me everything, I've told _him_ everything, too. He knows the real me. The real Hazel. He knows that everything scares me. The Underworld is my biggest fear. And he knows that I'm not happy. He knows that my life sucks, and so many things remind me that I was in the Underworld, and I'm supposed to me dead, and that upsets me most of all. I mean, does anyone know what it's like to be dead and everyone treats you different? You make people uncomfortable when you say one thing about it. People always shut me up about it because even when I need to talk about it, people always tell me it's gross and they don't want to hear about it. It's hurtful, and it's painful, and the only person who ever listens to me is Leo. Even Frank doesn't listen to be. Only Leo. The only person on the whole world who'd actually sit down and have a normal conversation with me is Leo. Leo Valdez. And thus, I love him. I don't know how these feelings came to be, or why I have them at all, but I have them, and theirs nothing I can do about it. So I should be happy. I love the feeling of love. It's happy and fun...but sometimes it hurts. It hurts to know that Leo probably doesn't share the same feelings. He probably never has and never will. It hurts, but I know it's true. I know he doesn't care. I know he probably doesn't even love anyone. Let alone the crazy girl who came back from the dead and has weird golden eyes and isn't even pretty. I'll never be as pretty as an Aphrodite girl,, or Annabeth or Reyna or someone. I'm me, and I need to except the fact that no one will ever love me. Because I'm from the forties, I think differently. I don't care about things Piper does, I don't think as deeply about things as Annabeth. I'm just me, and I think like a girl from the forties.

Anyway, I won't bore you anymore. I don't know who you are, or how you found this letter, but I'll send you more when I can. I'll tell you how things will happen. And if things turn out with Leo and I together (which I doubt it will) I'm glad you're here to witness it.

Sincerely,

Hazel Levesque, daughter of Pluto.


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